House of Villains
Heavy Is nan Head That Wears nan Crown
Season 1 Episode 10
Editor’s Rating 5 stars
House of Villains
Heavy Is nan Head That Wears nan Crown
Season 1 Episode 10
Editor’s Rating 5 stars
Photo: E! Entertainment
I’ll level pinch you: It’s been a difficult twelvemonth for me, my friends, and fundamentally everyone I know. I sewage joined this year, and 2023 still ranks among 1 of nan astir challenging years I person ever miraculously gotten through. Somewhere on nan measurement — astir apt precipitated by my umpteenth migraine, which successful itself could’ve been precipitated by, you know, nan Horrors — I closed my pop-culture ranks. I swaddled myself successful each nan comfortableness items I could tie close: Housewives, Kitchen Nightmares (a godsend for returning aft each these years away), and thing unchallenging became my nightly ritual.
I’m telling you this because, for these reasons and more, I’ve developed specified an absolute fondness for and genuine emotion of House of Villains that upon watching tonight’s play finale, I felt myself getting emotional. There are truthful galore ways this could’ve gone wrong. We could’ve been handed thing self-serious and dull, a challenge-driven c transcript of [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and different reality competitions and shows it’s alternatively truthful gleefully spoofing. Its formed could’ve refused to thin in, turning distant from nan campy oozing from nan house’s each nook and cranny. Its big could’ve taken a cynical attack to being dragged backmost into nan world of celeb-reality aft years of building a sanction for himself connected nan oh-so-beloved Community (give america that damn movie, Joel).
Instead, House of Villains winked astatine us, astatine its past, astatine its genre, astatine nan contestants who made up its motley formed of characters, and threw everything it had astatine america week aft week. By nary intends was this show cleanable television, but it ne'er aspired to be; rather, House of Villains proved to beryllium nan uncommon bid that truthful confidently knew what it was from nan jump that nary hiccup (its brightest sparkling star, New York, getting an early chop) aliases misstep (Omarosa losing nan crippled and playing unfortunate for weeks connected end) could deter nan maniacal amounts of nosy it brought to nan array week aft week.
So, let’s crown america a villain, shall we? With Omarosa successful our rearview reflector (bye, flop!), we participate this section pinch immoderate beardown competitors astatine nan forefront: Fairplay, Bananas, and Tanisha person each earned their measurement to this finale for different reasons. I cognize I’ve fixed Tanisha condolences for refusing to prosecute successful logical strategy, but this female has played a staggeringly good societal game, winning complete friends amended than anyone successful nan house. Oh, Shake and Anfisa are successful nan finale, too.
And so, too, are each our departed villains, who are present to subordinate nan remaining competitors for nan remainder of nan game, which intends “New York is successful nan motherfucking house” erstwhile again, my friends, and man ohio man, is it bully to spot her (and Jax, and Corinne, and Omarosa, and not Bobby for immoderate reason). “Have you not seen Friday nan 13th?” Tiffany asks. “I’m worse than Jason Voorhees, sweetheart, because I’m nan HBIC, and you can’t termination maine because I’ll support coming backmost and backmost and back.”
Our dearly departed not-winners are here, you see, to beryllium the Survivor jury of the House of Villains finale, aliases the RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3 jury if you’re emotion much villainous astir your outlook. Bobby is ineligible to ballot because of his reticence to return — which, if you judge Reddit, is because he allegedly “had a better-paying connection overseas” (to allegedly spell to London Fashion Week), which is allegedly portion of nan logic he put himself connected nan Hit List successful nan first spot … allegedly.
In announcing nan show’s last Battle Royale — nan Last Supper, hosted by Below Deck icon Chef Ben — Joel McHale lays retired nan finale rules: Its victor is an automatic finalist, and that personification chooses 3 villains for nan Hit List. Whoever isn’t chosen sits alongside nan victor successful nan last three, whereas nan Hit List nominees will conflict it retired for nan last spot, leaving nan 2 losers of that situation connected nan jury.
For nan Last Supper, nan assemblage gets freshly prepared sushi from Chef Ben (“Is he from France?” New York asks successful confessional). The competitors are told they each person to bid $200 of nutrient from nan chef, ranging from a hard-boiled ovum ($10) to a spicy chickenhearted helping ($20) to a reddish snapper eyeball ($30, “with a delightful crunch,” to which New York says, “they didn’t termination these food kosher-ly!”). Forty dollars will get you a testicle, which New York says she thinks came from a quality man, and if you’re wondering why I support mentioning New York, it’s because she is an icon who has electrified this show clip and clip again. Oh, and $50? That’ll get you a “squealing pig encephalon pie.” They past title to spot who tin decorativeness their $200 repast first. I wish my words could do justness to nan adjacent segment of Tanisha failing to grasp nan conception of ordering capable dishes to get to $200, but you’ll person to conscionable ideate nan magnitude of ethereality arsenic you besides publication maine describing nan conflict that instantly ensues erstwhile Omarosa says “counting’s not her forte.”
“Can you extremity talking astir me?” Tanisha claps back. “You are obsessed. You are excessively aged for this astatine your large age. You are disgusting.”
“Dude, yeah, Omarosa, you suck,” Shake says, throwing his chapeau successful nan ring, sensing nan decorativeness statement successful sight, throwing distant immoderate anticipation of a assemblage ballot conscionable to footwear a flop while she’s down (don’t metaphorically footwear her, Shake, she’ll telephone her attorney).
In news that should daze nary viewers of this show, Bananas pulls distant from nan battalion immediately, dousing his nutrient successful h2o and shoving it down his throat, pausing only to concisely gag connected a food eyeball that explodes successful his mouth. “What a disgusting slimeball!” shouts New York pinch joy.
After nan challenge, Fairplay starts planting seeds of jealousy successful Corinne’s brain, telling her that Bananas and Anfisa are successful emotion and person gotten person since Corinne near nan house, a half-truth Bananas promptly tries to undo, but will it beryllium capable erstwhile it comes to securing her vote?
But Corinne isn’t nan female connected Bananas’ mind, and neither is Anfisa; instead, what’s weighing on The Challenge champ is whether aliases not to return his longtime state and location BFF Tanisha to nan finale pinch him. On nan 1 hand, he says, if he brings her, past he’s taking distant a ballot from himself; connected nan other, if he leaves her out, he’s taking distant her changeable astatine $200,000, and nan guilt of that genuinely seems to beryllium crushing him. Has our Bananas gone mushy?
At nan Hit List information ceremony, we spot nan soul workings of Johnny Bananas successful action: Shake and Fairplay are nan first 2 up for elimination, followed by, semi-shockingly, Anfisa! “I’ve been accused of not having a bosom before,” Bananas says earlier signing his ain apt decease warrant and sealing Tanisha’s probable triumph successful nan process.
The last Redemption Challenge — a “test of really good you cognize your chap villains” called “Who Said It?” — signifies nan past time successful nan house, which feels for illustration a “pass ‘Go,’ cod $200, participate nan last three” walk sealed, signed, and delivered for Fairplay. But it’s Anfisa who pulls distant pinch an early lead earlier nan two-point-per-answer information kicks in, which swiftly knocks Shake out, followed … by Fairplay himself. “Just for illustration on Survivor, I vanished second,” he says, benignant of incorrectly, but he seems truthful dejected that you person to springiness it to him.
So there’s your last three, world: Johnny Bananas, Tanisha, and Anfisa. One of them seems for illustration an absolute nonstarter arsenic a imaginable winner, and that’s Anfisa; though group for illustration her plentifulness (aside from Shake), she didn’t play a societal aliases strategical game, truthful … it’s a nary from me, dawg. So it’s a two-person title betwixt 2 legends and 2 existent pioneers of nan genre, and that feels wholly correct to me.
Bananas starts his assemblage attraction by arguing perfectly to their hearts and heads successful nan aforesaid breath, pointing retired what each personification has to support up pinch financially extracurricular of nan game. “I consciousness for illustration nan determination should beryllium made wrong nan parameters of nan house,” he says. But “this is bullshit,” says a bitter Fairplay, who points retired (correctly) really overmuch money his caller force has won passim nan years connected his MTV shows. So who knows? Logic mightiness beryllium retired nan model here!
At nan banishment ceremony, aft Anfisa and Bananas connection up perfunctory remarks, Tanisha gives nan assemblage reside of a lifetime, moving her measurement down nan assemblage 1 by 1 to found really she’d formed a individual relationship pinch each personnel astatine 1 constituent successful nan title aliases another. You tin spot nan tears welling successful her eyes arsenic she talks astir playing for her son, astir entering nan location frightened because she’d ne'er done a show for illustration this before. “I’m Tanisha,” she says. “That’s each I tin be.” Mic dropped.
Let’s tally nan unrecorded vote: Shake starts america disconnected by notching 1 for Bananas, followed by Corinne, earlier Omarosa shocks nan room by voting for “her biggest adversary,” Tanisha. Fairplay says he’s “not present to alteration a child’s life” and votes for Bananas pinch a fiery reside astir gameplay. Jax throws his ballot to Tanisha.
It each ends pinch New York. “Typically, bananas turned maine on,” she begins. “Whether they’re grilled aliases chopped up successful a vessel of Shredded Wheat, a banana is gonna springiness you that potassium that your bony density needs and craves. And I thought agelong and difficult astir Johnny’s banana. You person astonishing hairsbreadth and a bully bum. My bosom is pinch you. But my head, my heart, and my feet are pinch Tanisha.”
We’re split, leaving Anfisa pinch zero votes and eliminated … and in power of nan tiebreaking vote, which she, successful a final, iconic backstab, gives to Tanisha. Sorry, but tin you perceive maine screaming? I emotion this show. I LOVE THIS SHOW.
That’s right, America: Tanisha from Bad Girls Club is America’s Greatest Supervillain, winning $200,000 and bringing an extremity to 1 of nan astir entertaining, stupid, astonishing reality TV title bid of each time. Thank you, House of Villains, for each that you’ve contributed and each I dream you’ll lend successful nan years ahead. And acknowledgment to each of you for reference on pinch each these unhinged missives and emotion letters to villains past, present, and future. Happy holidays and happy trails — whitethorn we meet again successful the House of Villains soon.
• Jax tells Tanisha that moments aft his elimination, his woman Brittany called him to show him she’d been hospitalized but didn’t want him to person to discontinue nan crippled to unreserved to her. It turns retired she’d had a stroke, he says, but aft spending 2 nights pinch her successful Cedars-Sinai, she pulled through. Jax is easy to comedian connected arsenic a caricature, but talk astir insane timing. Thinking of you, Brittany!
• Tanisha interrupted a confessional to cough and gag because of “that cattle worldly coming backmost up” … There’s nary logic she shouldn’t beryllium connected my TV screens erstwhile a week, if not much regularly.
• “Shake, who do you take arsenic America’s supervillain — different than your butthole from past night?” Joel! McHale! Emmy! When!